To drown in the weight of things.. perceived things.. what a tragic waste of time. To be buried in the dark and feeling like you can't breath. This is not hyperbole. I have felt that I have been fighting for light everyday for years and I needed to take drastic measures.
I've had a few moments of hope over these past few years, trying to convince myself that I am OK. Working in the boatyard on my dream/project. Distracting myself. Striving to be just OK.
And so, when things got darkest, I booked a flight to the farthest place on earth I could find. I needed to flee. Now here I am in Manila. And this is where I am discovering that it's all bullshit.
I booked a condo in a very nice part of town and immediately set out to walk the city. At first everything was very similar to home. A very nice metroplitan city, at least in the part where I was. But I ventured, I wandered, and I purposely got lost in areas of the city that truly took my breath away.
To see these people.. these beautiful people.. smiling and being so alive in such poverty is sobering. So many in this city are doing all they can just to survive daily life and yet they are happy. They are playful. They are joyful.
As I wandered these neighborhoods I got many greetings from random people with shouts of "Hey! How are you today?" | "Sir, where are you from?" | "Hello sir!"
So many beautiful children in the streets playing simple games with sticks or throwing their flip-flop at a target like an archer with an arrow. Living with the life they have been given and smiling as they do it. I dare myself to stop and tell them about my personal troubles at home. About my stresses as an executive in a tech company. About my personal depressive thoughts. I fucking dare you to explain those things to them Mike!
I am in love with the reality of life here and I am disgusted with the vapid culture my homeland has embraced and the self-inflicted dispair I have been in. I feel like I've been struck by lightning with a clarity-of-mind for what is real, and what is self-inflicted.
I can choose to return home and slide back into a victim mindset, that is certainly an option. But I am begging myself to resist. I am begging my inner-self to remain awake and to make drastic changes. I have so much. I can live a different way. I am not stuck in a hole. I can decide my own future. These people are teaching me that in such a direct way. When I was leaving for the trip the words "burn it down" kept repeating in my mind.. like another person speaking in the back of my soul whispering "burn it down". I now get it.
What is the value of life? Not the things we have, or the status we carry. It is truly living happy with the joy that life offers, not the trappings of it. Not the intense barrage of bullshit the machine plays on repeat.
I am leaving the city today and heading out to the provinces to further immerse myself in this unbelievable awakening. I will continue to turn random corners to discover the clarity this incredible place and people have to teach me. And every time I get a liitle lost here, I get a lot more found.
Mike D. is the founder of Sail Junky Magazine. Striving to find more purpose in life, Mike writes and shares about his journey to rediscover his passion for living a fulfilled life, especially through the medium of sailing (but not always). mike@sailjunky.com
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